How to be there, and be yourself when a friend or loved one is diagnosed

We are each of us angels with only one wing.
And we can only fly embracing each other.
~ Luciano de Crescenzo

Every three minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer and one in eight women will be diagnosed in her lifetime. That means virtually every woman will be touched by breast cancer at some point in her life. Whether you, your mother, sister or friend is diagnosed, you are part of the fight against this deadly disease and the support you provide to a friend or loved one can often prove to be crucial to their recovery.

In a 2006 Journal of Clinical Oncology study that followed 2,800 female participants, women who reported a strong support circle and felt they could rely on friends and family were twice as likely to survive their diagnosis as women who felt socially isolated.

“Social-emotional support, often provided by a confidant, may reduce stress and . . . might improve [protection] against cancer recurrence,” the lead author of the study, Candyce H. Kroenke, a researcher at Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital, wrote. “Investigators have suggested that social-emotional support may be more critical than instrumental [medical] support for breast cancer survival.”

What do you say?
Often when a woman learns that someone she knows is battling breast cancer; she struggles with how to respond. “How should I act?” she thinks, or “What can I possibly say?” The fact is that a breast cancer diagnosis is scary. Family members, spouses/partners, friends and other loved ones often feel the same emotions as the person diagnosed: fear, shock, anger, and sadness.

The best way to react to a friend, relative or coworker who you know has breast cancer is to be yourself! Every woman reacts to her diagnosis differently, so the best thing you can do is be present, be there for her, and always be available to listen, to laugh, to cry and encourage – just as you always would.

How can you help?
Breast cancer doesn’t care who you are or how busy your life is. When it strikes, often families become overwhelmed by all the “things” that still need to be done. Kids still need to be picked up from school. Lawns still need to be mowed, and families still need to eat.

In addition to emotional support, sometimes the best way to support a loved one in their fight against breast cancer is to create an informal network with other friends and relatives to take turns pitching in with things like grocery shopping, babysitting, being there for appointments and other activities that can alleviate the day-to-day stress, allowing her to focus on her fight.

Here are four things to remember (excerpted from rethinkbreastcancer.com):

- Be There – Ask what you can do to help and provide moral support. Offer to help with daily chores and activities or go to medical appointments to help record important information.

- Know Her Type – There are many different types of breast cancer and it is important for a woman to find out her type of breast cancer at diagnosis. Together, ask about the tests that are available to identify her type of breast cancer, as some types, such as ‘HER2-positive’ breast cancer, require individualized treatment.

- Ask Questions – Support her in asking questions so she knows more about her treatment, what to expect, how long it will take, side effects, etc.

- Empower Yourselves – Help her learn as much as she can because information is power. Do research together and make sure you both learn the terminology. Take advantage of the information available from the different breast cancer organizations.

Supporting a loved one in their fight against breast cancer will help her tremendously. Even the smallest gestures can have a big impact. Breast cancer is tough, but women are tougher, and every diagnosis is a reminder of how critical it is to stand together in the battle to eradicate this deadly disease.